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28/06/2006 Problem SolvedSometimes the problem can be so Simple...That it appears to be the most complex...and unsloveable....the answer seems to be hidden like the lost key and you just cannot unlock all that it conceals..... the Answers...hides in....going that few steps ahead and trying to understand what can be the Cause...just that Question itself...WHY.....and the Solution pops out on its own....God after all dose answers prayers..in his special ways...and all this while we realise...how unconcerned he bees to some of us.....we only sit and wonder how do I fix it...how do I fix it....how do I fix it....when in reality there is nothing to fix...things are as they are suposed to be.....in its own place...perfect in its own unique ways..... Ahhh....my Blog Post problem is fixed...Will be blogging soon.... 18/05/2006 No more Melancholies....Just WORK and More WORKI leave for home in another 10 min…I wrote this…today morning around 5:08am…I did not go home last evening and have stayed all night in the studio…(so practically I have been working for the past 19 hours and don’t know if it is good but this overworking is helping) working on this presentation that was long pending and should have left our studio a week ago…but then ever since I have come back from my break early this month I have brought back the BUG with me…and I have been having this erratic mood swings…thanks to it…and which also…almost gnawed me…and my mood swing has been like the Rollercoaster…ecstatic and composed in one moment…while completely lost and marooned the other….if this is what loving someone makes you do…well then take me to a CLIFF…( I just realised I am using to many full stops….any graphologists around…) Now I always say this to my friends and Loved ones….“When you know something is right…it is right and when you know something is wrong…its wrong and you better do something about making it all right”(said that in my last blog too) and I guess that applies to me too and to you….as I did not…much appreciate, me loosing my sanity…I have decided to go blank and drown myself in my work as of now..I don’t wanna think or reason anymore on anything…one cannot blame others for their state of mind…we choose to put ourselves in the pain and agony of loving someone and having some expectations and getting hurt or disappointed…besides I completely owe this to my self then anyone else…my career is in its bud and I cannot nip it myself just because I have this bug crawling all over me…(I have hope for tomorrow but as of now I rather choose to live for today) the world itself is conspiring my growth and God himself is standing by me and guiding and guarding me through…(I see the Sign all around me) how can I be more foolish to ignore His strength…and search for support in one who themselves are week to decide for themselves…I drive my strength from Him and His instruments He brings my way (Vinu I love you for putting some sense in my head, or by now I would have been 6 feet under) Well now on I need to say this to myself more often….for the Next One Year….my Work is my Only Love… everything else can wait…if it can wait… Ohhhh….This is so freaking difficult but I am sure its not Impossible….(Its like my Heart and my Head both are in a fatal War with each other…) but I am sure I can prevail and my sanity make sail through this rough weathers…I can gain back my control over my heart and my head just the way I always recover once I swim through melancholy affairs…and I assure Myself I am getting there…and when I get it all back this time I am not losing it so easy… Its hard to let go…sometimes something so special…that came by unplanned…But I know this must be done for now it is the best for me (and You)…. Inconsistent that I have been in the last 2 weeks…
P.S. (To you) As My heart says – “Why should I let the fear of pain tomorrow ruin all that is beautiful today….” And then my head Yells – “ Why should I ruin a secure Tomorrow which I can only build by caring and concentrating on my today” So I choose to go with my head and I don’t mean any hurt or pain to you in purpose, your heart hurts for you not accepting the quintessence of this emotion…When you love someone…you must just speak out loud and say so…and you would hurt less then that you already do…by saying “ I do not know what is happening to me…I am trying to be composed but I cannot be for long” is not good enough for me…Someone wise said – “Why go in there where you see no scope ( although Hope I may have) where you see a dead end…” So I choose to change directions…change…this change itself…and change form thinking of You to think for Me…I am not abandoning you…I am only giving myself more acquaintance...that I deserve.. 13/05/2006 Feelings of Absolution....Just wrote this for a fellow blogger...I guess I have been wanting to say all this to myself too...for a while now that i have been feeling all lost....Like i said earlier...God has funny ways of bringing the answer that you seek...sometimes from your own mind..sometimes from someone else Spirit around...
Life is so funny na...Sometime everything so clear and sometimes...You just gaze in the distance and try to search all the answers...well I am not going to sit here and lecture you on LIFE...I am sure in this world of "You mind your business while I mind mine..." I just think I would like to share this with you...
feel every emotion you feel...of joy..of pain...of confusion..of absolution...Of your inner voice telling you what you must and must not do...You dont have to justify anything to anyone...but yourself...
If you think it is right then it surely is right...If you think it is worng...then bet it is worng..Sometimes thinking with your Heart Heals...and sometimes Feeling with your Head hurts...All you need to do is combine the two...and you be blessed..
Like you say if you can make others around you happy...well then you sure can make yourself happy...But unfortunately we all are so lost giving what others want...and making them happy...we tend to forget what we must do to be happy ourselves...I owe you Nothing but I owe to myself everything...I guessss thats a form of self preservation for me...and it is helping me as of now..
People put up happy faces..but are they happy...People tell you what to do...but do they do the same when they are in that shoe...To tell you its easy..but for me to convince myself to do the same is so hard...
Yeah why must you live your life in someone elses shadow..why must I live my life on someone else dreams...You know inside the journey you wanna take...you know the beauty that awaits you..all you need to do is put on your treaking shoes and take that hike..may be with some risk...march out...and face life as it comes...simply listen to your heart and the way it tells you to go...sometimes be reasonable...well it aint gonna hurt much when you come across suprises in your life...well it aint gonna be better then being here...and wondering how would life had been if I had made another Choice....Well you can always change your choice..
Your Future are yours...No one can live it for you but you......Your present is yours..you can choose to share it with those who you want...Your past is is no longer yours...let them crib about it..Live for this minute...in your way...paint the future the way you want it to be...and it will surely come to life...
and hey that songs Sunscreen is a booster dont ya think...guess what i the watch the video evrytime i feel lost and low...My favourite line is the chorus
"Brother and sister together we'll make it through, Someday a spirit will take you and guide you there I know that you're hurting but I've been waiting there for you and I'll be there just helping you out whenever I can..." 11/05/2006 Love the Crazy bug….It bites everyone equally bad …( -N- this dedicated to you )I must really write about this…this minute…I am overflowing with vauge thoughts about this bug called…Love…Cause it has been eating my mind…for the last one week…and today it has really kept me distracted…Hmmm so…I have been reading some blogs online and also experiencing this personally as well as through some people around me…Who I thought were having the Perfect in Love relationship…but no…Love in all its form…is really fading away from people’s life….and I believe it really does many things for you….Well for me I am standing on that crossing of my life where ain't sure If should embrace this bug…up close or keep it at bay and not get hurt. Well I guess we all experience this emotion called Love…(and I mean the Mooshy Mushy kind, one which really screws us in our HEAD when it dose not work out right) and all the related feelings that comes with it – of happiness..Hurt..sharing..giving.. disappointment...optimism…Pain and smiles with Tears…blah…blaah…bllllaahhh… Love either makes you weak or makes you completely strong…as of now for me it has made me a bit Confused and lost…The last few days has been a crazy time for me…with my past standing in front of me and asking me to forget and forgive and reconcile…and love again.. Hmmm...Now it really is crazy as it hurts to love someone and not be loved in return…So my Question is what must one do…when the one who you love the most are the ones who...hurt you the most…do ya allow this bug...Love back in your life...(and pls dont give me poetic crap - Love is to suffer but be in a beautiful giving...love sh**...) and become vulnerable to its unusual ways…Or you forget the past and embrace the present and move into the unknown and unsure future….May be being happy…May be being all Alone…I don’t know… Now I have been looking for some answers and I have tried to understand and I am not sure of anything that I think of....is correct…and may be my understanding is all wrong…but with each passing time I am more lost and confused…as to what I must do…and I am still not sure…(with a promising career in front of me)…which I do not wanna give up for anyone or anything…But then again this whole thought has made me a bit shaky and insecure and I hate this kindda feeling…then again...I think what good is life worth when you don’t have someone to share your joys and sorrows equally…so what must I do…go slow and take things as it comes…( being a strong believer of faith) let destiny decided what’s best for me…or just choke myself to death…with this confusion in my head..heart..and then again in my head... May be love is not meant for some of us…May be it is…May be some kindda love is not for me...May be there are too many..May bee's... May be love is something we all need to know more holistically before we commit to it…with all my personal quest and experience this is what I have learnt and make out of the silly emotion called LOVE….
hmmmm...I guess Love can be and cannot be all that...I dont know...cant think anymore for now…Guess this Bug is really crashing down my CPU. But I cannot loose now…Not so easily... For now...I must focus on few of the most important things in my life….my WORK..some real good FRIENDS…and wait and watch...where the River of Life takes me from here...so until another day Oh Silly Bug....please Bugoff…. 02/05/2006 Holidays Over…And I am Back to Work..Aloohaaaaa...Hmmm so the lazing around time is over and I am back in the South…where I belong for the next 5 months,(slogging my soft tush) the weather has got warmer but I kindda like this climate…its more pleasant…then that compared to the North (crazy hot and sticky) where I have been in the last few days....and if you wondering(if u have read my earlier blogs) How the trip was…well here are the extracts from my diary… 22nd to 27th April 2006 – Ahmedabad Met up with my Project Guide at the Design School (this was one main reason to come to Ahmdbd) and discussed the progress of the Project and how I can improvise and make it more appropriate...the feedback…was good and helpful…and now I have clues on things that I should and should not do…after all in the end (31st August, 2006) My document has to be approved by and filed with the School (mandatory should I say) to be presented to a panel of Jurors during the defense Jury. It’s only after this that I (and others like me) get the Green card to graduate. Besides getting all this pep talk from my Guide…Caught up with my friends…Went to my favorite eating joints and had some of my favorite grab…Sizzlers..Brownie and Ice Cream…Shopped for Summer Clothes…Saw couple of films…Ice Age 2(highly recommended) and Holiday (Hindi version of Dirty Dancing, strangely I quiet liked it) and yeah had a small party with some friends...caught up with my past…was up till 5 in the morning…some memories just get inscribed in you…and some you just wanna wipe out clean. 27th to 30th April 2006 – Bombay Came to Bombay…the city that I cannot stay away from for long…and no matter however long I stay away from it the moment I come back its just like as though I had left yesterday…and yeah the city surely touches my soul…I can never forget the city no matter where I am and yeah all that beautiful things it has given me....And it grows on everone who comes to her for livelyhood...Some will call it dirty, filthy, yucky…However it is I still love this City just the way it is…and yeah No mater what you say otherwise…I can never hate my home town…I would rather say “To each his own”…we all share a Love affair with our own city…and it is best for us just the way it is.. After threading myself out of the Airport which was swamped by peddlers who were ready to get me a CREDIT Card of renowned Banks…just by giving up my Boarding Card and a Signature…Hmmm Now next time I know where to go for Credit Card Shopping (LOL)..then came the Autowalas who arrogantly have an unconditional fixed fare to take you anywhere in the 5 km radius of the Airport…well who can argue with them..this is everywhere ( I guess if I was an autowala I would have done the same) so I just jumped in one of them and sped away…and halfway I realized the rider was a complete whacko who surely imagined that he was driving a Rocket to the moon…well I realized it was better to get off before we crashed into the Jumbo Trucks(I prefer to call them RAVAN, with their headlight and grinning face) which all were speeding as thou on Moon...and I did…halfway stopped the auto…paid a couple of bucks extra (something…sometimes I don’t mind rather then getting into an argument)… and there on decided to take a more sturdy ride and settled for the bulwark of a Cab for the rest of the ride home…and I guess what…Destiny you can call it…has amazing way to reflect things back on to you…which at times we seem to forget… for the cab driver…reflected my frame of mind couple of years ago…unlucky in love and life…Well we had a good chat…throughout the journey…The Positive that I have been off lately…I kindda poured it all on to him…and on arrival at home I invited him in for some Chai…and my mum offered him some Watermelon juice instead… and as he hurried away he had a smile and gratification and I think I heard him say..“I will think positive from now on…and anytime I feel negative I will visit your home, and talk to you” Poor man did not know I would leave soon…he then asked for our home number, which I was reluctant but then I gave him my cellular instead…Well I was happy to have made him think positive…even for as little as half an hour that he was with me… Well now that I was home…and told my mum that I would be living on Sunday…she complained that I always came for such short while and that I would go and meet my friends in the city and spend very little time with her… somewhere inside I realized that…that I always came home for 2 or 3 days and spent most of it with my friends…and it indeed was unfair…so I decided this time to stay home and spend more time with her. And so I did…chatting and watching TV with her around…showing her all that I have been doing…it was nice to see her pet my hair and blow kisses at me…Mothers sometimes can be so healing and selfless…and I was very glad to have spent all my time with her…and she indeed was glad too...I think As you age and so do your parents…Inside You know they will not be around for long……and you need to stop taking them for granted. This time I felt like I was the parent and my mom my child…Strange but true.. Only on the eve of my departure back to the South…I caught with some friends from the Design School who were also in city and since we had this thing that we would meet up in Bombay just for the memory sake and go for a Movie…now that we were going away in the journey of our lives…so we did…we sort of settled for Mistress of Spices…over Darna Zaroori hai…and later we regreted our choice…but what we surely know is that the sales of Spices are bound to rise in the land of Dodo’s…after this film…if you have not seen it Don’t bother you ain’t missing much…Though I wonder WHAT IS MY SPICE? (GINGER and GARLIC I guess…LOL) Following day I met up with my 1st Cousin Sister…Have never seen here my entire life… as my aunt lived in Iran and they never had visited us before…and never thought this day would come…that I would ever see my cousin – Sara…she literally tracked us down..(in a very filmi way) Now that my aunt is dead, Sara was down in India trying to track her roots (we laughed as we both thought that it was very filmi, and filmi it was...) we clicked pictures…made video’s…exchanged gifts…I kindda had gush of emotion fill up my eyes every now and then…I almost ransacked my Closet to see what I could give her and my other three cousin who are back in Iran…well a pleasure I cannot express…as my family has never extended beyond my Mom and my brother… I wanted to spend more time with her but then I could not reschedule…as it would snow ball into everything connected to it getting postponed…So I Hugged her good bye...met up with, ANU..my best friends who was also flying down south with her boy(also my friend) to Meet her Parents and get their consent…(wow she would be married soon…) Oh they will surely make a perfect couple…they will be I know…I was so excited and was so lost yapping with her…that we almost ignored the boarding call and had the ground crew…chasing and rushing us…through the security check and escorting us to the boarding gate…Ooooo…we surely did feel like celebrities(I am thinking I am going to do it again next time intentionally…hee hee) Anyways we had a smooth ride to Coimbatore…got out…dinned in a local restaurant and kissed each other good bye…If you have seen - My Best Friends Wedding…similar to that…Anu and me had made this pact 2 years ago..that if in the next 5 years we did not find our match we would Live In with each other…and support each other…Now that she is found hers match and I am struggling with my ongoing relationship…I am sure we will stay afloat and always be in Touch…Oh by the way...my ex was also on the same flight...kindda weired...just said hi and we both ignored each other... I reached home late night…and slept off like a log…Woke up with a strange feeling of being lost…and got a call from the office saying that the office was shut due to Labor Day…Hmmm now only I knew this I could have come a day late…and some time with my cousin in Bombay...Anyways…just lazed around unpacked…slept…watched TV..the whole day was so slow and lazy that I did not realise that my house was infested with Red Ants…everywhere…Woe…have to do something about them or they will literally eat me alive…in the next couple of days…I guess I will leave that for tomorrow…as for now I need to get on the phone and fire someone 22/04/2006 Enjoying the Fruits of Hardwork - Holidaying for a WhileSo the Big Meeting in Delhi on the 20th is over and need I say “How did it go?” Well the buyer and the Buying house people both loved it, Once again my boss was very happy with the appreciation from the buyer and buying house on our product line along with the colour and styles we used…as for me the hard work and toils of day and night…once again paid off. Well unlike the other presentation’s we put up previously this one was indeed a learning experience…this meeting although went very well made me realise one thing which is going to be crucial in my other up coming presentations…- Do as much you are asked for…Don’t do More…Don’t do Less...Just that right number of items makes the Pitch perfect… Anything More – and you are confused or unclear…Anything Less and you Lack sense of Exploration and Ideas…ok now this reminded me of the popular hindi saying - Idhar Kunwa toh udhar khai (A Water Well on one side and a Swamp on the other – is that how you would translate it…ahhh I don’t know but what it means is either ways you are trapped). Although the buyer felt that we had worked over the limit…but assured us unlike many others atleast we followed he brief and stuck to the similar storyline…so it did not appear as a Mess…the parting words from her were “good presentation and looking forward to more new ideas as seen today in the future meetings” That evening as we drove back to my boss’s hotel ( as for me I preferred to crash in with some friends in Delhi) he offered me a Long term bid…where I could join the company as the Product Development Head…well whatever that supposed to be…and to which I told him I was more then happy to take it up but that I could not say “Yes” immediately. And I would have to think it over…as I have many more things that I wish to do and achieve then to settle myself in the quiet town (which I will want to do eventually, when I am 45)…and besides that I told him that I believed in living for “Today and Tomorrow” and planning myself for beyond the 2 days would only bring about restriction and disappointments in me wanting to grow and explore…to which he told me I could work as a Consultant to the firm if I want…and I could visit the firm once or Twice in a year guiding them on the trends, colours and styling. Hmmm now that sounds interesting, well let see…when time comes how things turns out. As for now I am holidaying and loving every wasteful bit of it….Met up with some friends in Delhi…some genuine and some not so genuine friends (come on guys…you think I am that dumb - Get Real) but hey it was a good learning...next time I know who to spend more time with….I read an article on a celebrity who prefers to lead a very private quiet life…and I Quote – he said “ In the Fashion and Films Industry no one is your friend, everybody is nice to you because they know you can be some use…if you are not then they don’t stick around…and those who do are lost themselves” Well I guess that something implies to each one of us in today’s world…Friends are rare and hard to find and when we do find some who really stick by you in your thick and thin….although lost they may be…they are there and that what counts…and we must be wise to value them and never take them for granted… Anyways after the max that I could do in Delhi I came down to Ahmedabad last night after an unpleasant and annoying flight (besides the flight being delayed)…I had this kid who kept kicking the back of my seat (and on and off…I kept losing iT and wanted to turn around and yell but then I just told myself he is just a kid and some day I may plan to have mine…and she might do the same to someone else seat and I eased off ) and just 2 minutes later for some reason the mom exchanged the seat with him and the guy seating next to me came under the constant attack from the little angel….Bang Bang he went on…as for me…Aunty ji…Thank you.. Hmmm…Ahmedabad has been home for me for the last 3 years and the streets are as familiar to me as that of Bombay where I was born and brought up…If there is any place in India where I wanna set base and if it is not Bombay it is definitely going to be Ahmedabad…and I have no explanation for it….It feels home here and I feel familiar with the city as if I know it from a another life...To continue after landing in Ahmedabad last night and till now I have met up with several people I know from here…people I am very closely familiar with to some not so familiar and we just exchanged “hi’s and hello’s” from a distance..…I have been in the campus the whole day today (I still am here now)..Catching up with all that I have missed out on the last 9 weeks…and in a while I will go for dinner with some close folks who I really like to hang out with...and exchange more news on what has been happening…I am also eager to catch up with another buddy later at night and chat away just uselessly.. this will happen till Monday when I have to meet my Guide and give him news on what I have been up to at the firm down south…and get their view on how I should be doing things…well both my guides and co guide are absolutely cute and supportive it’s the some other who I fear…but I am sure I can handle them…well so its almost time I go and get ready…will update soon. I am uploading some of my work which I had put up in my exhibition here at the Design School earlier in February…they are part of my Class work which I kindda designed and developed during various course here. To know more click on the description and you will know what it was all about. Enjoy ….and yeah ….Have fun and don’t get bothered by small things.. Ciao. 15/04/2006 My 3Weeks of Obsession with Work and Praises...Now where was I? Hmmmmm…yeah… Flowing Like a River…with Blue Skies Shinning Bright…and it Looks like the River I am ridding on, has started flowing reaaallly rapidly.…and the Blue Skies...its just ZZzzzzizzling hotter....szzzzzzz The last time I wrote here (March 22nd) I was already thinking on what I wanted to write next but I did not anticipate that the coming weeks (even now I have piles of Spec Sheets to make by tomorrow morning) would get so hectic work wise and that I would hardly have time for anything…Since this being the Pitching Season, where we kind off propose new developments and ideas to our buyers all over the globe and who in turn place sample request, followed by the millions of dollars worth of orders…based on how much we are in synch with their taste and the latest trends...and also how much we comply with their interventions…Hmmm now all that nancy fancy it may sound these pitching is completely driving me nuts, I have lost track of time…I have not been eating or sleeping as I once was…I have got so obsessed with my work(after one of my first Pitch meeting went super well) so much so that I have forgotten my personal life…and my friend feel I am neglecting them...( folks I am not…I am sure you understand…and I am choo chorry to be so cut off, please bear with me..) So…Apart from driving me insane and chewing up my sleeping hours (previously it was hijacked by the teachers at the design school very very ruthlessly…Submission - deadlines-and not that I gave any on time) well these pitching and the presentations that I have been putting across has built up my long lost faith and my confidence in myself… which I think I had lost in the design school…(once again thanks to some particular teachers, who not only demoralised me and my fellow mates for expressing and being Us but also lacked all sense of…appreciation towards us PG’s). Hanywayzz now at work I have realised that your worth is evaluated with how much positive energy and results you can create in doing what you do best and how well you can do it… along with spreading that drive to the other people around you and compeling them to excel and keep up with you. Not forgetting the deafening ki-ching ki-ching ki-ching your ideas generate for the company, the more ki-chings you create… the more happier and willing the boss is towards your views and opionions. Even as I type this...I feel I am totally drugged on my work like as if I am in rave and being triping high on the pleasure pills ;)… well I complete surprise myself and the people around me…The obsession for my work… I guess has always been there…from my primary school days to my PG college of Design….I remember I can drive myself nuts working on Only those things that really excited me to the core… if it did not then no one in this whole wide world could ever convince me in doing otherwise…If I liked doing what I was doing then…I get this alien energy in me which makes me continue working like a Machine…for hours and hours…or should I say my as my boss says…like a Robo…which I have been for the past three weeks…and working non stop…This whole robotic work mania started around the 12th and 14th of March when I put up 2 presentation respectively for 2 different overseas buyers and as articulate I could be…the buyers appreciated my approach and assured me that I had a promising future(now that is a real boaster)…and that too in front of my boss…they were more amused when I told them that I was not even a professional yet and that the current stint with the company was only a part of my graduation thesis project… and their raised eyebrows said it all…well I felt absolute on top of the world that evening…I called and announced it to all my buddies.. and they prayed that I be fairly rewarded for my efforts…and guess what I was…the next morning it landed me in to doing 5 more Pitching’s and I am completely going bonkers..…The existing designer felt threatened and quit his job…and left me with his projects too…which I have long gone completed…apart from that I have been juggling between the other 5 pitches of which I have already done 3 and have 2 more to do by the 18th April, 4 of them is to be pitched online while one is to be presented directly to the Phooren buyer in Delhi on the 20th and I am soooo looking forward to it…for 2 main reason… One - as this buyer is from a different country and the outcome of this meet will tell me how well I can understand my client and how well I can propose what’s best for them…and if this meeting yields me positive results then I know If am getting on the right track or whether I need to change my approach…as I plan to do similar kindda work in the future…as an independent Design Consultant...(as being an Artist, as that’s where my heart is – doing Arty things for Art sake, is not enough to get me my bread…peanut butter…and surely the Strawberry marmalade I crave for…) so I have to think of others as an alternate... And the Second reason why I cannot just wait for 20th April…is b’cause I get to go for the long ten days break that I have been so desiring for that too paid...which I feel I absolutely deserve for my hard effort working all these days and half of the nights....first I plan to catch up with some old friends in the capital after the meeting…and then I am off to the Design school to report on my current progress to my guide…while I am there I also intend to do some pending inquiries and reading at the School Library. Once through that…I go home to Bombay for the weekend and meet mom and eat some yummy ma ke haath ka khaanna….And then come back here to do my remaining part of the project…the collections for the 2007 which I will document and file for my graduation from my design school later this year…and defend the same in front of a panel and there on I get to file for the convocation ceremony (btw which I will be missing, don’t ask me why) and thereon I become a licensed (the Diploma) Textile Designer….yupeeeee Well I guess this blog has been quiet selfish…so has been my previous ONES talking about…I…Me and Myself…but hey…isn’t it my space and am I not allowed to write all silly things about me and my life….beside I me and myself always has a very primary role to play in our lives...so if you like reading here come again and read about my silly life (and get update on and off) and pick up hints that will surely cheer you up cause Life ain’t that bad….and remember there is always a light at the end of the tunnel…. there is always another day to catch up on what all you miss out on today… there is always a sunrise and the sunset and again a sunrise everyday… there is always a fresh spring after the thawing winter shades… there is always a rain behind the scorching summer days… there is always a hope there is always another hope there is always yet another few more hopes…. there is always a I me and myself and together they can always achieve the unimaginable.. 22/03/2006 For Now I wanna Flow like a RiverThis is in reflection to my last Blog…and….I completely agree with the point and under no circumstances, rule out the possibility that in life, the Unfavorable Events are equally important cause when we go through it…‘We Kindda Learn to Cope’…and yeah it is only us who know the true pain of it…as time passes by and things improve we know the true value of the better times…and I guess that what I have been doing of lately… Appreciating my Life – In the Present….as they say ‘Every Cloud has a Silver Lining’ I guess mine is just streaking through…and in my heart I know…its gonna get really Sunny around me…and I know it is going to be this way for a long time…You have to hear Nina Simone’s... Blue Sky…and that’s my song for now…and…it goes like
Blue skies smiling at me Nothing but blue skies do I see… Bluebirds singing the song.. Nothing but blue birds all day long.. I never saw the sun shining so bright Never saw things going so right Noticing the days hurrying by.. When you’re in love, my, how they fly..
Blue days all of them gone Nothing but blue skies from now on….
It feels like she is singing this song just for me….and Oh yeh….and I am tripping on Nina Simone like crazy these days…
Well the Mantra form 2006 till eternity… is the new philosophy which I am spreading…to everyone around…..Treat Life more like A River and flow with it...and you will have answer to all your questions as and when the times is right…Just...flow… flow… and keep on flowing for now…just like the river that whisper through the caves inside the mountain… and tears through the hills…gushing and bubbling through the pebbled valleys….adding rhythm to the forest… enthusiastically cutting through the rocks and boulders…occasionally falling from great heights…and staying quiet for a while and then regaining and rising force and courage, flowing and meandering through all the twists and the turns of the plains….landscaping and leaving its impression etched for time to see its valor…in its path it pleases some…and the ones which interfers in its natural course is destroyed…and it moves on…until it reaches the ocean….There it Achieves its purpose…Well and in this whole journey what matters to the river (and us) what is it that it leaves behind and what is it that it carries forward…along.. in to the Ocean…Now all those of you smartheads…know what I am talking about….Read between the lines…Riddle the metaphor here and live your life to the fullest…for what have you got to loose…Flow.. And With the current happening in my life I don’t really wish to talk about the bad phase… I rather like to coat my painful pills with sweeteners for now…Although I know it helps us to grow…But as of now…I just want to be the River and Flow…Through the good and the bad…not wanting to pause and ponder…I just wanna flow…and I guess that’s the Equation of life….for me now…Till something or someone convinces me otherwise….
Good Phase + Bad Phase + Joys + Content + Pain and Hurt….Faced with Positive Attitude….is equal to…Growing into a Stronger and a Better Person and that too….twice as fast….
Aissatou this to you…I will never loose Hope…and keep my Big eyes open for the shy One....and you will be the first to know...as for now...I will Live my life to the fullest….and thanks for being YOU, just the way you are...Each day in each and every way..You make me feel so good about myself...Sometimes I wonder what would I do without your wisdom and advice. 20/03/2006 Happiness Comes When We Learn to be GreatfulRE-EDiTED Version
What makes us Happy in Life? Easy – Making the best of what life has to offer…or else we simply end up being sad and depressed for the all things we don’t have and wanted it so bad…So Happiness is what we find in what is generously offered to us in the journey of us living our lives or Happiness is what we generate with what is within our capacity...Twisted but true…Happiness begins with what is around us…Come on I don’t claim to be some Happiness Guru (btw that has been my 2nd Job, Guru / Teacher) but think about it…Happiness is a gift that comes to all of us…just that, there are times when it gets lost in the haze of unfavorable events that we so conveniently build up…not allowing joy to pat us on our backs. Well atleast for me it has been so…there have been times in my life when I have almost hoped that I was better of dead, But now when I reflect about those days I cannot stop but laugh about my Immaturity and the Vulnerability (I guess I still am, but the level of intensity and the subject matter that effect me now, have changed)…I guess that’s what they call “To Grow with every experience”. I Believe if we defy that very simple Law of Life…we surely be doomed…and lost in search of something that is just a ‘Thought’ away from us….Hmmm…I guess The answer to ‘How to be Happy’ lies within us then. Just think, why sometimes something’s in life thrills us beyond an explanation and while otherwise we just curse our very existence… its like someone winning an ultimate prize and when asked how do they feel in response and the most likely answer they give is “Ahh…I cannot put this in words, I think…..Today is the most Happiest day of my entire life” Wow now only if we could Measure Happiness (Is there a Scale for it) Hmmm..The fact is that we accept the unexpected and we reach such an extent that makes us emotionally reach the ultimate high…and that in turn fill us up with a complete satisfaction…Now I am wondering is it possible to achieve this kindda satisfaction, with the smallest things that we see and do around us in our day to day exercises. I am sure you will agree with me on the fact that Happiness is something which is unique to all of us…and satisfy us in different ways and one can achieves it in different things and different ways and when they do, no one can question the credibility or level of gratification, it is what it is…..and can never be measured up by any means….or compared to else’s joy.
For me Happiness is that right moment when everything seem perfect and nothing more or nothing less can make it any better…That moment that saturates me up with a strange kind of contentment and everything around me appears absolutely flawless and beautiful...a moment when I wanna fly away from the ground….it is exactly then I have this funny mixed emotional reaction of the H2O filling up in my eyes…and a unconditional smile on my face and it is then that very minute in my heart…..I know I am Absolutely Happy….And the people who know me well…will agree with me, as there are occasion when I have expressed my life being Perfect in the most unusual fashion and it has complete taken them by surprise…and they go Whats with you today…and I go… I am happy with my life….however imperfect it may seem.
Mystery as it may seem to me at times…I guess all the Gods of Happiness collectively (here I should say Nazaar ne lagae, like my mommy dearest says) have been more then generous to me as my current situation in life and things could not have been anymore fulfilling then it has been in a long long time…Not that my past has been miserable…it has been quiet satisfying, but I guess then I never appreciated it enough. And now I it has something to do with me accepting and acknowledging everything around me just the way it is and being appreciative for all that is they way comes to me….and accepting the fact the Life is Fair to us all it is how and what we make out of it…And ofcourse…I too like the other people around me have many shades of grey….but of lately everything around me seems to be so Colourful that I just cannot stop but see beauty and perfection in all.. I think it has something to do with me accepting Life as it comes..( I thinking I am repeating that, what the heck Its my choice and my Blog…and yeah I am happy now)
The last two years have been the most frustrating year’s of my life at the PG Design School (not that I am complaining, I am glad I went through every pain there it has brought out the best in me today), and like I said all the Gods of Happiness are Kind with me and in particular Goddess Achelois, the one responsible to Drives away Pain… I think she has decided to get a lot more gentler with me… this year ( 2006) As it started with a wonderful trip to Europe (mainly work oriented, But who says work and fun cannot go hand in hand) beginning in Frankfurt, where I was introduced (among the many facades of new experiences), to one of the most exhilarating experiences of my life by two most adorable guys from Greece, (Szzzzz…..nothing of the sort that your dirty mind is cooking as you read this -But Manolis and Dimitris if you are reading this you know what I am talking about). Something that makes me feel proud of who and what I am and the very thought of it still makes me giggle and smile with Happiness as I write this. I wish I had more time with them and the things we did around…However short the trip there was…was worth it. The week thereafter was condensed with vibrancy and exhilaration.. in the neighboring Country of France – from the very minute I landed in Paris around 2035hrs and was picked up by my host and dearest friends (who I absolutely love like crazy, A couple who are my Heros…of PERFECTION and TRUELOVE... absolutely complete and flawless, a couple which are a living example of match made in heaven, many words would be less to narrate them here, may be some other day I will) and the night tour of city they gave me with complete details from the Opera to the politicians homes to the Couture Boutiques on Rue du Faubourg Saint Honore( I hope I spell that right) to the Cathedral and Churches including the one mentioned in the Da Vinchi Code…it was just simply - WOW!!! I guess even Ash never got this treatment during her trips to Paris. The city full of history and creativity, and going there was one of my dreams…and dream it can be of every student of Art, Fashion and Design, and as for me it came true… The whole saunter through the Rues, Alleys and Colonies which had amusing stories and history behind it…was worth the pain in my feet which occurred every evening…Everywhere I went from…. Paris…Orleans…Nantes (a beautiful city) and Tours (also a city) was like walking into picturesque Film Sets made for the Gothic and the Renaissance time in France, just with modern props interrupting the breath taking views…which I had only read in the books…and may be seen in a film or two..Chocolate staring Juliet Binoch, was one of it…and some parts of Orleans and Nantes in particular was just like the village in that film. The colours, the textures, the faces, the street gravels, the benches, the street lights..the diversity, the chaos, and the naïve mind of mine all fitted like a Leggo… everything was Perfect…I wanted to change nothing…and each times I felt perfection around me, I had my silly and funny mixed emotion that got accumulated resulting in me being HAPPY…(and once I even had tear fill up my eyes and one of my friend who was showing me around wondered what was wrong…oh my friends there I cannot be thankful enough to them who made my stay comfortable and remarkably memorable…) To go to Paris was a Dream..and it came true…Now I harbor another dream…and the very thought of it makes me HAPPY….Long ago I remember I was mesmerized with the city in a Hollywood flick SABRINA, and the this whole thing about how the city transforms her…Paris did have that magic…I guess I just did not have enough time to spend there so she get on to me…But I am sure she will next time…for I visit Paris again somewhere in the middle of this year and then in the end of January next year. And I plan to go there as often…and trust me on this one Dreams do come true again and again..(at least for me they have so far). Since I have reedited parts of this Blog…I am trashing out the conclusion as it makes no sense any more…so I wind up this session with the fact that Happiness comes to us all, and yes it comes without any intimation and it is up to you and me to grab it the moment we realize its floating by…and chuckle away with bliss….after all Life is indeed extra fair to some of us…and we must learn to be thankful…And so I am more then grateful to who ever is sitting up there and playing things for me…Well you doing a good Job, keep it up…I appreciate you and your doings for me…As the saying goes – Everything Happens…Happens for a Good reason…Is indeed true.. 16/03/2006 Absolute no ComplainsSetting up of this Space was not all that difficult…as I had anticipated, the only little difficulty or the..."technical snag" as one would call it...was uploading of the photographs…but I guess now that too has been taken care of..Well failures are inevitable, be it small insignificant ones or large enough which can changes our lives....all one needs to do is Keep TRYING…the reiterates would only get us closer to achieving the result that we look for and if not, what the heck…the attempts would atleast give one the satisfaction of not giving up in the first place...of being optimist. Me, not being one of the super InterNet savoir-faire and always having people around me who are obligated to do my computer and internet mambo jumbo… for me all the time...and now figuring this thing out on my own makes me feel so proficient...so very nice, it makes me believe that there is so much more that I can achieve on my own. Besides I have read somewhere online…that to reach anywhere in the virtual world (and I feel the same for the real world) all you need to have is an eye to observe what is in front of you and then the basic common sense or skills to follow the signage that specifies the possible direction to get there. And with my experiences I completely concur with this – “Read the Signs and Follow the Directions and you will get there sooner or later.” I guess I am not one of those Quitter kind as some of my associates usually think I am…well its just for those Morons to know…that I like to deal with things…Slow and at my own pace.. sometimes retreating in my shell and analysing it from a distance and then coming back to tackle it…and the ones that I cannot cannot handle I just don’t like wasting my time on it.... and prefer to move on to other challenges and besides the reality that Each day in every new way I am learning something new, something different and interesting…some from my Failures some from Achievements...and I am more then happy with the way my life is right now.. Absolute no Complains.12/03/2006 Sometimes you do What your Heart tells you to doDoing this space up…has been on my agenda for a very long time, one, for all my friends scattered all over the globe have recommended it, saying it’s 21st C. best way to keep in touch and to share our experience in life and secondly I have been reading a few blog space of others and have surely got hooked to it…like an addict. I could not do this for a while ...for I have been running short on the time (mainly) and the right frame of mind to do this. So why now…Well I just got off the phone with a friend who took me by surprise after she answered her Boyfriend’s Cellphone (now she really likes this bloke) here in India when she should have been miles away in France… For a minute I was confused, wondering if I had dialed her number accidentally but then she yelled “Oui C’est Moi, I am in Delhi” and the first thing I asked her was what the hell was she doing here…and she explained that she had to make this trip so that her heart got a chance to be at peace...and then she camouflaged the whole thing by saying she also had some work shooting some pictures of some buildings.…But I knew Why she had taken this risk of coming down…spending hundreds of Euros and losing valuable class hours (she still a student in Uni.) and when I repeatedly asked her why? She coyly said “I don’t know why, but I had to do come”. Somewhere in my heart I knew the reason why...And I am so glad she did... That’s it…after I hung up I said to myself how could anyone lose these beautiful moments. I have to store them for me and for all my friends who from time to time forget to believe in good things and are clouded by the worse things that happen to them. Earlier I used to write diaries and showed it to some of my closest friends, who would peek in and sometimes smile and tell me that I must consider writing for the Chicken Soup books (haa that still cracks me up)….However writing Diaries have only been a way of reflecting the journey of my life and counting my blessing all the while but then they have turned out to be a big problem to carry ‘em around everywhere I went( I have this travel bug in me) and by the year end they would only pile up in my closet. So since I have ample amount of time in my hand now (dont ask me what I am upto theses days) and the provision of this space which is free…+ the internet which is also free ( I sound like cheapster..Free Free...But then as they say Best things in life are for free) Although it took me the whole of today to figure this out and understand how this ‘My Space’ works. Well I surely have no regrets spending my entire Sunday, the only day reserved for me….for this is going to be for me and my pleasures in the long run. So if it intrigues you do drop by on and off…I expect nothing but I am sure somethings which you read here will only put you in good spirits...thats a promise.
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